I really have no idea what's happening... I don't know what's going on in my mind... I don't know what's going on in others'... All I could do is assume and come up with a conclusion... A conclusion (no matter how stupid it might sound) that I could not ignore... I know if this conclusion doesn't turn out to be true, I would look extremely stupid, but like I said, I just CAN'T possibly ignore it. Until I know the truth, until I was given the truth, I would stick to this conclusion. I know this is going to backfire on me... I know what a high risk of me losing everything... But I want to take it... I'm willing to...

Oh by the way, this does not necessarily means it's a bad thing. Manisha told me to accpt it and be as happy as you could every single day. I agree with her. I mean what's there to gain when you are unhappy 24/7? I'm tired of being this person that I am now. To be honest, if you have something to say about me, say it in my face. I won't hold grudges, I won't hate you, I won't kill you.

Sometimes I find comfort being alone in front of my laptop doing absolutely nothing. I really do and that is again NOT A BAD THING. Friends are extremely important to me, yet when it comes to a time when I can differentiate the friendship distinctively, I just got all confused.

You don't have to tell me anything. But if it's really about me. Please, do tell me about it.

Seriously, I'm happy. :) Or at least I'm trying my best to be. Let it be a history. I want a change.

Finally back from the camp thingy. I won't say that I TOTALLY hate the job, there were times when I realize that it's enjoyable to see what kids these days do and compared it to what I did when I was their age. Afterall, I'm like an old soul in a body like mine. Yet, the camp is so uninispiring, unorganized that kept me from being really interested. Overall, I'm glad it's over and surprisingly, if I had a chance to do it again, I think I would. Why? I have no idea.

We talked it out. We understand each other better. She knows what I feel and what I want. and I somehow know what she feel and what she wants. =) Let's see what happens, alright? :)

The past few days been pretty odd for me. Emotions rushed in, yet I don't see a point in touching on it. I've been what I would say "a sinking ship that is unsinkable". I know very well how I feel and what would become of me. Yet, I'll do my best to not let it happen. Sometimes, I do not know what I was doing. I just go with it and I do hate my guts and my lack of judgement. BUt what the hell can I do about it? I have a weird mind, a weird heart and a weird personality. Bohooo... Yet, I'm so comfortable with myself sometimes that I could totally ignore others if I want to. But I tried my best not to. :)

Darius - Although I did say that they're tons of things that have been happening ever since the past few months that I've not seen or talked to you, I would be lost with words when we meet I tell you. Lol. THERE ARE JUST TONS TO SAY and I dunno where to start. See ya soon, dude. Excited, eh? Lol...

Booya. No surprise there.. Lol. I'm with Lionel with 19 other people. I don't know, really! I guess I've been convinced by what Ann said that I really have nothing to say about the decision. But hey, dance is dance, no matter what genre of dance it is. It's new to me and new is good right? Lol.. I'm looking forward to it as much as I'm concerned. Who doesn't? =) Ann been an inspiration.

Finally, I'm home at such a time. I could not recall a day for the past few months that I was home this early. :) *shocker* So as they were enjoying themselves watching "BIg Momma's House 2", I have to be home resting, trying to sleep. Who asks me to sleep so late last night and having a pretty bad headache NOW. grrr... hate it.

Anyway, I guess I will just take a step back. I really do not wish for things to become what it is or wat it is going to be. But I'm left with no choice, when I'm left clueless. Lol... *think too much again*.. yay, I will stop now.

1)
PPl i dont like : those who talk to me while im on the phone
Why : annoying
Death : head will explode while they bug me

2)
Ppl I don't like : Willfull ignorance
Why : Depraved
Death : head will explode

3)
Ppl I don't like : Malicious liars
Why : Depraved
Death : Tounge will explode

4)
Ppl I don't like : Ppl who think looks are paramount
Why : Silly
Death : Face will explode

Found that in Manisha's blog. Love this woman. Lol. :) You're still the same old you. And don't forget the email that you owed me. I wish I could be there. Sorry.

So I was sitting in front of my laptop, staring at the screen aimlessly (like usual) when I noticed it's already bright. I weas shocked. Looked at my Handphone and fawking hell is 7:30am in the morning!!! :X Yeah Yeah, then why the hell am I here to report to everyone. Well, I just feel like it. I wanna in the future, return and read my blog and able to see myself on how stupid I was to sleep at such time for 3 consecutive days.

I think I think too much. People tell me I think too much. I sometimes do not like it when I think too much. Yet I always think too much. and Yesterday wasn't an exception. I think too much which leads me to asked pointless questions.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Lol.. The past few days haven't been good on me but now I will just laugh it off (on the surface) and thanks for everyone who tagged. Thanks. :)

WHY? WHY?

walked home today. Haven't been able to do that in ages. The night breeze - cooling as it was, my mind was just too clouded by anything and everything.

WHY? WHY?
WHY? WHY?
WHY? WHY?
WHY? WHY?

"Because of You" (My Version)

I will not make the same mistakes
that I did last time,
I will not let myself,
Cause my heart so much misery.

I will not break the way I did,
I fell so hard,
I've learned the hard way,
To never let it get that far.

I cannot cry,
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes.

I'm forced to fake,
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life.

My heart can't possibly break,
When it wasn't even whole to start with.


I love this song. Just changing part of the lyrics to suit my lifestory more. I seriously need a break. I really do wonder is there ever a day I could truly be myself without having to lose EVERYTHING that I love.

So the last entry was a 3:00am post like I previously stated and now it's almost 5:25 and hip hip hurrah, still awake!!!!! WHAT/WHO can actually make me sleep early???????? I'm kinda getting sick of this already.

Yes, It's those usual night/loner self that will make me think far too much. I wonder do people talk behind my back? I wonder do people actually think I'm cold? I wonder do people think I'm unapproachable? I wonder do people think I'm pretentious? I wonder is there anyone out there who could truly understand me? I wonder is there anyone out there who could save me from all of these "misery" (things I don't know about)? I wonder are there people out there who think I'm a son of a bitch? These are the questions that IN THE DAY, I would say I wouldn't give a damn about. Yet, when night kicks in, they are something that been clouding my mind. These are the things that kept lingering in my mind, although I know that I could do nothing to get any answers from anybody.

Blah. How contradicting that 2 hours ago, my post was asking people to think positively and yet now come 2 hours later, it's THIS! :S I wasn't thinking much actually until ChienYen had to remind me.. LOL.. no no, I'm not blaming you la. :P it just comes and goes. I know that. So what's the big deal eh?

Trying to sleep....