This week's tough I suppose. Dealines and deadlines and more deadlines.

Yesterday, it occured to me that why am I sometimes seen as arragont. Ok, let's go back to yesterday. I would not have noticed Anthony walked pass me if he did not call my name. I have three people who snap their fingers in front of my face before I realise that they were there. I don't know. I guess I either walked looking down or I don't really digest people who walk pass me. To make matter worse, even when I'm looking at you directly, it might have missed my mind that I know you. I'm weird like that. Lol. And if you don't understand what I mean, nevermind. Forget it. Makes life happier.

So eldest sister going back to Indonesia real soon. While they would have their happy family reunion without me, I'm stuck here. Ok, I know I'm egoistic, but isn't everyone else? We have our own dreams and goals and I think it would be totally messed up if we have to consider every other extrenal factors to achieve them. I do miss them back home and I do want to go back. But I also know what other things I want. A family reunion after 3 years would be great, but something else that I would be doing during the holiday would be better, I hope. I hate making decisions and in return, regret. I usually DON'T and I don't want to make this my first.

Socialite? NO WAY! If you can, phucking leave me alone. YEAH, I do mean you.

Life's been pretty good actually. Some of the people around me said that I've been kinda glummy. Well, I guess I have, because it's really tough to put a big smile on your face, when whatever inside you tried to hard to come out.

So I was abit skeptical about Desperate Housewives at first. I mean I have no idea what it's all about. Then looking at how the lead characters are females, I kinda assume that it would be somehow similar to Sex In The City. I hate Sex In The City. Well I guess, it kinda appeals to its targeted audience, but that's that. There's nothing about it that I feel logical or drawn about it, but Desperate Housewives is different. It has that kinda morbid feel to it and like this dark comedy which has a universal story that connect every episodes together. Great acting, great plot. With these two, any movies or series will be high up on my list.

Anyway, let's get back to my brooding thing. The more I think about it, they more it makes sense now. I mean people always say you grow up to be the way you are because of your past experiences from self and others. Well, I guess I see it now. I get my bad-temper trait from my dad. I get my over-worrying trait from my mother. I get my 'no-commitment' policy from my second sister and I get my 'being responsible' trait from my eldest sister. So what is the part of me that I get it from myself? I gave it a hard thought and I realize the asnwer's pretty simple - the way I see life.

I'm still a jackass about commitment. I wish I could 'grow up'. My friends said as time goes, commitment will comes, but the way I see it, it will never. I have no idea how am I going to survive in the future. I just can't be tied to something - a job, a place or even to someone. Take aside my first love, the longest relationship that I have had never lasted a year.

2 weeks more of school, then a 6-week term break. I CAN'T WAIT!!! The first semester of Poly definitely has its ups and downs, but thinking back, I'm sure there are more ups than downs and I'm extremely glad for that.

I hope the job that Lydia introduced will work out, I really need that job right now. "It's easier said than done"! I don't want to eat my own words, although I won't admit it, in my mind, I've already lost.

Being a socialite? Not in my dictionary.

It's been quite sometimes since I last blogged. I've been online, just kinda lazy to write anything here with all the essays that I have to write.... grrrr...

Anyway, life's been ok. There would be days when I knew I would enjoy myself alot and days when I knew I won't. What does that tell you? Well, to me, it means that my life's been so predictable, it's sometimes scary!

I want to go back to Indonesia, I really do. No, I don't mean abandoning my studies and just run off back to Indonesia. I do mean during this long semester break. I miss my parents and my sisters. Never in my life have I missed them this much.

Video shooting this weekend again. I hope everything's go as smoothly as possible. I will be absolutely pissed if anything's messed up. god.

Went to Zouk last night and missed school today. I've been missing classes quite a lot this week. :S I really need to step out of my 'lazy-ness' syndrome and finish my last 3 weeks good.

How I wish I can be as imaginative as Joshua. How I wish I could write as well as Whammy and Manisha. How I wish my idea would come out as smoothly as Lydia. This is killing me. I've constantly change my thesis statement over and over again, yet I always stuck at writing even the VERY FIRST PARAGRAPH. This is painful, man! Sh*t... Less than a week left and I have not even completed my first paragraph, my research cards. Heck, I didn't even do my Essay Outline. =S To top it all, we have another essay to write after this one. Hip Hop Huurah!....

So school's been pretty good... NRA's been fun... the usual blah blah blah.. Next week is our final video shooting for Location Production. I'm looking forward to it but also not quite looking forward to it. Deadlines all coming up and how I wish that line just cut my throat. =S

You gave me wings,
to escape my misery.
Your existence,
bring light to my life.
Hold me,
and don't let go.
You're the reason
that I'm here
*lyrics by me

Why are all the lyrics that I wrote is soooo cliche... :S I got a tune for this one. :P and to think I dont know how to play musical instruments.. lol